The Weeknd can't feel his face. You can't feel your face, your toes, or your fingers, and you're fairly certain that your ears now resemble two frozen Jimmy Dean sausage patties. Welcome to winter, everyone!
Unless you're off to Gstaad for a spot of skiing with Mitzi and Lance, there's really only way to get through the sub-zero temps and slippery surfaces: a good old-fashioned movie night, served up with a roaring fire (okay, a space heater), some warming brandy, and the takeout some poor delivery driver had to bike through a snowstorm to bring you.
Winter, you see, is one of those things that seems better than it is. In films, it's beautiful and ethereal. In real life, it's cold and slushy. In films, you might become pals with a talking snowman or at least fling at few snowballs at Bill Murray. In real life, the only winter sport you're taking part in is falling on your ass on the sidewalk in front of large groups of people.
Long story short: Save yourself the frostbite, pull on those fleece jammies, and enjoy winter through the lens of Hollywood. It's just so much cozier.
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Winter's Bone (2010)
Where: America's Ozark Mountains
Brief Summary: To spare her family from eviction, an Ozark Mountain teenager must track down her missing father, navigating the bleak terrain of rural poverty.
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: Jennifer Lawrence wears a hat in every scene.
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: There's nothing colder than operating within a confining societal structure and systematic poverty.
Moviestore Collection/REX/Shutterstock
Joyeux Noel (2005)
Where: The Western front in France during WWI
Brief Summary: On Christmas Eve in 1914, German, Scottish, and French troops call a moment of truce, share stories of friendship and love, and reach a place of empathy.
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: It's Christmas Eve on a war front with trenches. It's beyond cold. It's something much worse.
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: It's too sappy to be "cool," but it's not too sappy to be great.
Courtesy of Sony
Cool Runnings (1993)
Where: Jamaica and Calgary
Brief Summary: The true story of the Jamaican bobsled team’s first stint in the Olympics.
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: When you’re used to the Caribbean, Calgary is just cruel.
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: Of course. It’s cool runnings.
Beautiful Girls (1996)
Where: Knights Ridge, Massachusetts
Brief Summary: Willie Conway (Timothy Hutton) has a 30-something crisis when he comes home for his high school reunion, contemplating his future and spending way too much time with his 13-year-old neighbor (Natalie Portman).
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: Figure skating, sweaters, the usual
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: It's a lil' chilly
Misery (1990)
Where: The very snowy Silver Creek, Colorado
Brief Summary: Novelist Paul Sheldon (James Caan) crashes his car during a snowstorm, and is then held hostage by his number one fan, Annie Wilkes (Kathy Bates). At least she's got heating.
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: Lotta snowbanks, lotta shearling
I s It Cooler Than Cool?: It's frigid
The Revenant (2015)
Where: Mountainous, unorganized territory in the Dakotas
Brief Summary: Guide Hugh Glass (Leonardo DiCaprio) tries to survive a murderous fur trapper, an Arikara war party, and one pissed-off bear.
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: Dude has icicles forming in his beard.
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: It's ice cold.
Snowpiercer
Where: A permanently moving train in a snowy dystopia
Brief Summary: The last remaining members of the human race are split into class groups on a train. The lower class challenges the system.
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: The movie itself is pretty blue.
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: It's frigid.
The Day After Tomorrow
Where: The globe, but mainly New York City
Brief Summary: The apocalypse occurs and the world freezes over.
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: Everything — including the interiors — of New York City is coated in ice.
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: It's ice cold!
30 Days Of Night
Where: Barrow, Alaska
Brief Summary: The town experiences literally 30 days where the sun don't shine because of how far north it is. Vampires obviously come out to play.
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: Snow, frozen blood, visible breath — you know.
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: It's frigid.
Die Another Day
Where: North Korea, but the chilly parts happen at an ice palace in Iceland.
Brief Summary: James Bond seeks revenge on an agent he believes betrayed him. Things get shaken and stirred.
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: Well, it has to be pretty chilly to keep an ice hotel from melting.
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: It's a lil' chilly.
Dreamcatcher
Where: Maine
Brief Summary: Four telepathic friends encounter aliens while out on a hunting trip in the woods.
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: Blue tones, snow, and lots of parkas.
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: It's frigid.
Eight Below
Where: Antarctica
Brief Summary: A guide embarks on a treacherous trek to find a meteorite with the help of sled dogs.
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: It's in Antarctica.
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: It's ice cold
Fargo
Where: Fargo, North Dakota
Brief Summary: Pregnant police chief tries to solve "homespun murder mystery."
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: Snow, snow, snow!
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: It's frigid.
Doctor Zhivago
Where: Russia
Brief Summary: Russian doctor/poet falls in love with politicians wife despite being married.
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: It's Russia, man.
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: It's frigid.
Christmas Vacation
Where: Suburbs of Chicago
Brief Summary: The good ol' American family Christmas celebration turns out to be one big ol' disaster.
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: It's Christmas time outside the Windy City. Expect cold. Oh, and lots of sweaters.
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: It's a lil' chilly.
Frozen
Where: Arendelle
Brief Summary: Princess with magical powers freezes an entire town with her hands.
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: The name itself should be a dead giveaway, but you literally watch a town turn to ice.
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: It's ice cold.
Alive
Where: The Andes
Brief Summary: Rugby team tries to stay alive after plane crashes in mountains.
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: Snow! Everywhere!
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: It's frigid.
The Grey
Where: Alaska
Brief Summary: A wolf pack threatens a group of plane crash survivors being lead by a huntsman through Alaska.
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: Liam Neeson! Kidding. It's Alaska.
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: It's frigid.
Home Alone
Where: Chicago
Brief Summary: Boy gets stranded at home by clueless family is forced to deal with burglars.
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: Again, it's Chicago in the winter.
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: It's a lil' chilly
Iceman
Where: An Arctic base
Brief Summary: Arctic exploration discovers a Neanderthal in the ice and has to decide what to do when he's revived.
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: Well, the man was found in ice...
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: It's ice cold.
The Ice Storm
Where: Connecticut
Brief Summary: The trials and tribulations of a suburban, well-off family.
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: Long coats and frigid personalities
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: It's a lil' chilly
Happy Feet
Where: Antarctica
Brief Summary: In a world where soul mates are found through singing, one penguin is born without a singing voice.
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: Uh, Antarctica?
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: It's ice cold.
The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe
Where: Narnia
Brief Summary: Children discover a portal to the magical world of Narnia through their wardrobe and must help defeat the Ice Queen.
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: Lots of white and snow.
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: It's frigid.
Serendipity
Where: New York City
Brief Summary: Former couple reunites after years of being apart from one another.
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: There's snow and snow in New York means it's freakin' cold.
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: It's frigid.
March Of The Penguins
Where: Antarctica
Brief Summary: A documentary following penguins on their march to their breeding ground. Morgan Freeman narrates.
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: Again, it's Antarctica.
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: It's ice cold.
Hanna
Where: Northern Europe
Brief Summary: Teenage assassin is on the run from an intelligence agency
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: Boatloads of fur outfits and scarves.
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: It's frigid.
Mystery, Alaska
Where: Mystery, Alaska
Brief Summary: Small town gets a little too excited it was chosen to host a television event.
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: Um, Alaska...
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: It's frigid.
Wind Chill
Where: Pennsylvania to Delaware
Brief Summary: Ghosts of people who've died on a road haunt two college students on their way home.
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: Wintertime on the East Coast means chilly temps.
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: It's a lil' chilly.
The Shining
Where: The Stanley Hotel, Colorado
Brief Summary: Family takes care of haunted hotel during winter. Man goes berserk.
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: Jack Nicholson's face freezes at one point.
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: It's frigid.
A Simple Plan
Where: Minnesota
Brief Summary: Working class friends stumble across a ton of money and try to hide it from the authorities.
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: Down jackets and beanies.
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: It's frigid.
Snow Day
Where: Syracuse, New York
Brief Summary: School's canceled due to snow, kids play.
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: Having grown up in Syracuse, I can vouch how cold it becomes in the snow capitol of the Northeast.
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: It's frigid.
Star Wars – Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
Where: A galaxy far, far away
Brief Summary: The rebels have taken control of the Empire while Luke Skywalker trains with Yoda. Darth Vader's pursuit continues.
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: Snow, ice, and big, roomy spacesuits.
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: It's ice cold.
The Thing
Where: Antarctica
Brief Summary: Scientists must deal with a shape-shifting alien that assumes the appearance of each person it kills.
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: Ice, everywhere.
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: It's ice cold.
Cold Mountain
Where: Cold Mountain in provincial North Carolina.
Brief Summary: Despite the name of the movie, this setting isn't the coldest one on the list. But, the people themselves have cold hearts.
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: Snow falls at some point, plus everyone has it out for one another. If only more snow fell to justify their bitterness.
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: It's a lil' chilly.
White Christmas
Where: Vermont
Brief Summary: A group of performers help a retired army general save his mountain hotel from a bleak season due to the lack of snow. (This is a wild card inclusion, we know.)
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: Snow, snow, snow!
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: It's a lil' chilly
Ice Age
Where: Somewhere during the Ice Age
Brief Summary: A group of animal buds try to return a lost baby to its tribe.
How You Can Tell It Is Cold: Um, it's the Ice Age. Of course it's cold!
Is It Cooler Than Cool?: It's ice cold.
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